Kentir pethuk ambek konco lawase sing jenenge Kentus.
Pas ketemu arek loro iku podho kagete mergo Kentir ambek Kentus podho-podho
sirae petal, raine gosong ambek untune yo podho bogange.
Arek loro iku takok takokan opoko kok isok podho bocele.

Kentir cerito lek raine rusak, sirae petal, ambek untune ngowos mergo melok
nyemprot kobongan ambek mangap.
“Pas aku mangap dhadhak onok elpiji mbledhos” jare Kentir.

Mari ngono Kentir takok nang Kentus opoko kok sirae petal.

“Mari teraweh aku nyumet mercon ambek rokok. Mari tak sumet, mercone tak
sawatno wong dhodhol soto terus ndhelik ambek ngisep rokok.
Dhadhak wonge ngerti, aku diuber terus sirahku digepuki pikulane soto” jare Kentus.

“Lha lek raimu opoko kok gosong” takok Kentir maneh.
“Mari sirahku waras, aku merconan maneh. Mari tak sumet ambek rokok,
mercone tak sawatno wong dhodhol bakso terus dhelik maneh ambek ngisep
rokok. Dhadhak aku ketemon maneh, aku diuber mari ngono diguyang dhudhuhe bakso” jare Kentus.

“Wok nemen kon iku, ngono yo gak kapok. Lha lek untumu opoko kok guwung
kabeh ?” takok Kentir maneh.

“Oo lek iki seje ceritone. Pas katene nyumet mercon dhadhak onok arek pacaran liwat”

“Kapok kon, mulakno tah ojok seneng nginceng. Paling kon digibheng ambek
sing lanang ” jare Kentir kemeruh.

“Gak ngono ceritone . .” jare Kentus.

“Opoko lho . .?” takok Kentir.

“Aku lali . . . Rokokku sing tak sawatno. . .”

Mari jogo bengi Muntiyadi mulih numpak taksi.
Timbangane sepi, Muntiyadi njawil supir taksine kate ngejak ngobrol.
Pas dijawil dhadhak supir taksine kuaget setengah mati.
Saking kuagete, sikile langsung mancal gas, montore langsung mencelat katene nyosop warung.
Untunge, supire sik sempet ngincak rem, gak sidho nubruk.

Muntiyadi ambek supire podho pucete gak isok ambekan.
Pas wis tenang, Muntiyadi njaluk sepuro ambek takon nang supire opoko dijawil ae kok kuaget.

Jare supire “Ngene lho cak, aku sik tas pertama kali iki nyupir taksi, lha sampeyan iku yo penumpangku sing pertama pisan.”

Muntiyadi bingung “Lho mbiyen sampeyan kerjone opo, kok isok sampek kagetan koyok ngene ?”

“Aku mbiyen yo nyupir pisan” jare supir taksine.

“Supir praoto tah ?” takok Muntiyadi.

“Supir montor jenasah . .”

Wonokariun ngejak gendakane, jenenge Mbok Cempluk, perikso nang dokter Bunali.

“Opoko sampeyan iku mbah, wong awake ketok tahes kok athik perikso.” takok
dokter Bunali.

“Ngene lho dok, umurku iki wis 80 lha bojoku iki wis kewut pisan umure 75.
Aku pingin takok opo sik oleh tah aku ambek bojoku iki main koyok manten
anyar ?” takok Wonokairun ambek isin-isin.

“Lho lek sampeyan gak onok penyakit yo aman-aman ae. ” jare doktere.

“Wah tepak lek ngono, cumak cik tambah mantep, tulung aku ambek bojoku
diperikso. Lha terus mumpung ndhik kene, aku tak main ambek bojoku nang
kamar praktek sampeyan. Tulung dipantau mbok menowo onok opo-opo.” Jare
Wonokairun.

Batine Bunali, sak umur-umur lagek iki ono pasien njaluk sing aneh koyok
ngene. Tapi wong jenenge dokter akhire panjaluke Wonokairun dituruti, mari
jantunge diperikso, wong loro iku main tutupan layar. Lha Bunali ngenteni
jogo-jogo lek misale wong loro iku gak kuat terus jantungen.

Mari oleh rong ronde, Wonokairun ambek Mbok Cempluk metu ngguya-ngguyu.
“Yok opo dok, aman ae tah?” takok Wonokairun.

Ambek Bunali jantunge wong loro iku diperikso maneh, tibake pancene sik
kuat. “Wis mbah, sampeyan sehat wal afiat. Ojok khawatir.”

“Suwun dok. Piro ongkose ?” takok Wonokairun.

“Sepuluh ewu ae, wong sampeyan iku asline sehat.” Jare Bunali.

Mari ngono arek loro iku pamitan mulih.

Seminggu maneh, wong loro iku teko maneh nang dokter Bunali. Persis koyok
seminggu kepungkur, njaluk diperikso jantunge, mari ngono njaluk dipantau
pas main.
Bunali yo nuruti ae wong pancen tugase sebagai dokter.

Mari oleh rong ronde, Wonokairun ambek Mbok Cempluk metu ngguya-ngguyu.
“Yok opo dok, aman ae tah?” takok Wonokairun.

Ambek Bunali jantunge wong loro iku diperikso maneh, tibake pancene sik
kuat. “Lak wis tak kandani, sampeyan sehat wal afiat. Ojok khawatir.”

“Suwun dok. Piro ongkose ?” takok Wonokairun.

“Sepuluh ewu ae, wong sampeyan iku asline sehat.” Jare Bunali.

Mari ngono arek loro iku pamitan mulih.

Seminggu maneh, wong loro iku teko maneh nang dokter Bunali. Persis koyok
seminggu kepungkur, njaluk diperikso jantunge, mari ngono njaluk dipantau pas main.
Bunali wis mulai ngersulo, tapi yo sik dituruti.

Mari oleh rong ronde, Wonokairun ambek Mbok Cempluk metu ngguya-ngguyu.
“Yok opo dok, aman ae tah?” takok Wonokairun.

Ambek Bunali jantunge wong loro iku diperikso maneh, tibake pancene sik
kuat. “Koyok minggu wingi, sampeyan sehat wal afiat. Ojok khawatir.”

“Suwun dok. Piro ongkose ?” takok Wonokairun.

“Sik tah mbah, aku katene takok. Sampeyan lak wis tak kandani lek sampeyan iku sehat, laopo bolak-balik teko rene ngongkon aku mentelengi sampeyan main. Masio elek, aku iki dokter rek !!, dhudhuk wasit smack down.” Bunali mulai purik.

“Ngene lho dok, aku iki wis muteri sak Suroboyo, Mbenjeng, Balungbendo, Ndhiwek sampek Peterongan. Gak onok sewa kamar sing ngisore sepuluh ewu .”

Muntiyadi oleh tugas jogo nang pelabuhan Tanjung Perak mulai isuk sampek sore.
Isuk-isuk kiro-kiro jam enem, Muntiyadi pethuk ambek Togog numpak sepeda gunung metu seko pelabuhan.
Muntiyadi curiga soale, sepedane Togog digandoli glangsing guedhe loro kiwo tengen.
Isine pasti sabu-sabu, utowo putaw pikire Muntiyadi.
Mergo curiga, Togog dicegat terus digeledah kuabeh mulai klambi, kathok sampek kampes.
Mari ngono isi glangsinge yo disuntek pisan, tibake isine mek pasir thok. Gak onok nakobar blas.

Muntiyadi oleh tugas penyerbuan nang sarange GAM.
Repote, anake Muntiyadi sing jenenge Tole umure sik sepuluh taun gak gelem
ditinggal njaluk melok.
Mergo sayang anak, akhire Tole dijak pisan, mari mulih sekolah langsung
melok numpak pesawat.
Nang pesawat wis onok koncone Muntiyadi jenenge Togog ambek Gempil.

Pas nang awang-awang, dhadhak mesin pesawate mbrebhet terus mati.
Wong papat iku mau mulai pucet kepoyoh-poyoh royokan parasut.
Lha masalae parasute iku mek telu, padahal wonge onok papat termasuk Tole
anake Muntiyadi.

Mergo wedhi kedisikan, Togog langsung nyaut parasut terus terjun metu pesawat.
Mari ngono Gempil gak gelem kalah, melok nyaut parasut terus terjun pisan.

Muntiyadi terus rundingan ambek anake, sopo sing kudhu ngalah soale parasute
kari sithok.

“Le anakku, parasut iki gawe awakmu ae, masa depanmu sik dhowo. Bapak mek
titip salam gawe mbokmu yo Le.”

“Pak, sampeyan wis gak usah mbrebes mili, ngisin-ngisini markas besar ae.
Iki lho parasute sik onok loro. ” jare Tole.

“Lho kok isok ngono, lak mau wis disaut Togog ambek Gempil ?” Muntiyadi heran.

“Sing disaut Om Togog iku mau tas sekolahku . . .”

Sepur lagi wae metu soko setasiun Balapan Painem karo Paijem sedulur loro dadi babu neng Jakarta neng omahe babah Hong.

“Timbang ngantuk ayo main cangkriman (tebak-2-an) yuk”
“Ayo … siapa takut ” tuture Paijem
“Yen bojone Pak Seno….wong Yogyakarto ngomonge piye ?”
“Yo mesti wae jeng Seno”
“Yen garwane Pak Budi ?”
“Pasti….. jeng Budi”
“Yen …. bojone Pak Ngatno”
“wis genah …… JENGATNO …”

o Wong sing ORA JUJUR
Wong sing nek ngentut terus nyalahke wong liyo.
o Wong GOBLOG
Wong sing ngempet ngentut sampai jam-2-an.
o Wong sing JEMBAR WAWASAN’E
Wong sing ngerti kapan kudu ngentut.
o Wong sing SENGSORO
Wong sing pengin banget ngentut ning ora iso ngentut.
o Wong sing MISTERIUS
Wong sing nek ngentut wong liyo ora ono sing ngerti.
o Wong sing GUGUPAN
Wong sing ujug-2 nyetop entute nek pas lagi ngentut.
o Wong sing PERCOYO DIRI (PD)
Wong sing ngiro nek entute dhewe ambune mesti wangi.
o Wong sing KEJEM (SADIS)
Wong sing nek ngentut terus dikibasno nang koncone.
o Wong sing ISINAN
Wong sing nek ngentut terus ke’isinan dhewe.
o Wong sing STRATEGIS
Wong sing nek ngentut ning ngarep’e wong lio iso nylamurke entut’e nganti wong lio ora kepikiran maneh.
o Wong sing BODHO
Wong sing nek bar ngentut terus ambegan njero-2 dienggo ngganti entute sing metu.
o Wong sing GEMI
Wong sing nek ngentut metune diatur sethithik-2.
o Wong sing SOMBONG
Wong sing seneng ngambu entute dhewe.
o Wong sing RAMAH
Wong sing seneng ngambu entute wong liyo.
o Wong sing ORA RAMAH
Wong sing nek ngentut malah mendhelik lan ngamuk-2.
o Wong sing KE-KANAK-2-AN
Wong sing senenge ngentut nang njero banyu ben iso ngematno munine blekuthuk-2.
o Wong sing ATLETIS
Wong sing nek ngentut karo ngeden.
o Wong JUJUR
Wong sing ngakoni nek awak’e bar ngentut.
o Wong PINTER
Wong sing iso niteni ambune entut wong lione.
o Wong SIAL
Wong sing dientuti terus karo wong lio.
o Wong sing KURANG KONTROL DIRI
Wong sing nek ngentut mesthi katutan ampase.
o Wong sing ORA IKHLAS
Nggak mambu entute dewe wong liya sing mambu muring- 2.
o Wong sing GEMI
Wong sing menowo ngentut metune swara entut di-endat-2 dadi ping 7.
o Wong sing SOK AMAL
Wong sing menowo ngentut metune dibrolno sak ampase.
o Wong RA NGGENAH
Angger ngentut silite ditempeli terompet ben samsaya banter swarane.
o Wong RA UMUM
Yen ngentut dilagokake.
o Wong PENSIUNAN PRAJURIT
Yen ngentut di-penggak-2 kareben swarane kadya unining bedil.
o Wong RA SABARAN
Wis ngueden methuthut ra muni entute malah bole sing metu.
o Wong SOLO / YOGYA (mohon maaf untuk yang sering ke Solo !)
Entute aluun banget dawa lan sajak ndandang gulo.
o Wong RADUWE GAWEAN
Ndiskusekake soal entut (kayata sing maca).
Tambahan :
Wong GENDHENG : Wong sing ngamati ciri-2-ne wong liya saka carane ngentut !

Mat Penceng umure wis atene 45 taun. Awake sik gagah otote dempal, cumak sayange dapure mulai kisut ireng kabeh.

Pas ulang taunan sing 45, Mat Penceng kepingin kethok enom maneh.
Akhire Mat Penceng nekat mecah celengan bojone digawe ongkos operasi plastik.
Tibake gak rugi mecah celengan, soale dapure Mat Penceng saiki malih resik, putih lan ketok enom maneh. Mat Penceng bungah atine, ben ketemu wong wedhok dikongkon mbedhek piro umure.

Pertama pas nang pasar atom onok ibu-ibu tuku kain.
“Ning, ayo bedhe’en piro umurku ?” takok Mat Penceng ambek mesam-mesem.
“Paling sik selawe . . .” jare ibu-ibu iku ambek ngematno dapure Mat Penceng.
“Salah Ning, umurku sakjane wis 45″ jare Mat Penceng bangga.
Ibu-ibu iku gak percoyo, akhire Mat Penceng ngetokno KTPne.

Mari ngono Mat Penceng ngenteni buyarane arek SMA.
Pas onok cewek-cewek liwat, Mat Penceng mbedhe’i maneh nang arek-arek iku piro umure.
Onok sing mbedhek 25, 28, 24, paling banter onok sing mbedhek 31 taun. Gak onok sing isok titis mbedhek 45. Bareng dikandani lek umure iku 45 gak onok sing percoyo, bareng didhudhuhno KTPne dhadhak semburat kuabeh.

Mat Penceng malih tambah bangga mergo dapure tambah ngguanteng. Pokoke ben pethuk wong wedhok mesti dibedhe’i umure, tapi gak onok sing bener.

Pas dulin nang Delta Plasa, Mat Penceng antri pesen mangan nang McDonald. Bareng oleh giliran, Mat Penceng ditakoni pelayane arep pesen opo.
“Sik mbak, sak durunge aku pesen, ayo bedhe’en piro se umurku?” jare Mat Penceng.
“Kiro-kiro 27 mas” jare pelayane.
“Salah mbak, umurku 45″ jare Mat Penceng.
Mari lego nggarai, akhire Mat Penceng pesen panganan.

Lha pas arep mulih, nang parkiran Mat Penceng pethuk ambek nenek-nenek arep mlebu montor.
Mergo durung tau mbedhe’i wong tuwek, akhire Mat Penceng nekat nguber terus takok.
“Sepurane yo mbah uti, aku kepuingin mbedhe’i sampeyan kiro-kiro piro umurku mbah?” jare Mat Penceng.
“Ngger putuku, ojoko kiro-kiro, masio aku wis tuwek elek koyok ngene, aku isok mbedhek persis piro umurmu.” jare simbah mau.
“Iyo tah, piro se umurku?” takok Mat Penceng penasaran.
“Wah tapi onok sarate” jare simbah mau.
“Opo sarate mbah ?” Mat Penceng tambah penasaran.
“Sarate iku, awakmu kudhu culno klambimu kabeh sak kampese pisan wudho blejet, terus mlayu muteri parkiran iki limang putaran. Lek wis mari, lagek aku isok mbedhek umurmu.” jare simbah iku mau.

Mat Penceng ngengkel cik angele sarate, tapi simbahe ngotot lan ngancam lek gak gelem yo wis ditinggal mulih. Mergo penasaran lagek onok wong sithok iki sing ngaku isok mbedhek umure, akhire Mat Penceng nuruti sarate. Mari nitipno klambi nang simbah iku, Mat Penceng mlayu wudho muteri parkiran montor. Lagek oleh rong putaran, Mat Penceng wis mbalik nang simbah iku ambek bengok-bengok njaluk tulung.
“Mbah, tulung mbah !!!, aku diuber-uber satpam dikiro wong gendeng. Ayo cepetan bedhe’en umurku piro selak satpame teko !!” jare Mat Penceng ambek menggos-menggos gupuh kabeh.

Mari nguncalno kampese Mat Penceng, simbah iku mau ngomong,”Le, aku weruh umurmu iku saiki 45″.
Mat Penceng kuaget sampek lali kampesan, kok onok wong sik isok mbedhek umure.
“Mbah, aku sik penasaran, mek sampeyan thok sing mbedhek umurku, opo rahasiane mbah?” takok Mat Penceng gak sabar.
“Ngene lho Le, aku mau persis nang mburimu pas antri nang McDonald . . .”

All out of love (Air Supply):
Katresnan kebablasan

Goodbye (Air Supply):
Minggat

Lost in love (Air Supply):
Wes ora tresno

Making love out of nothing at all (Air Supply):
Gelo (jebule ora dibayar)

Grease (Bee Gees) :
Kinclong

How deep is your love (Bee Gees):
Duwekmu kok jero ‘men

I started a joke (Bee Gees):
Wiwit ndagel

In the morning (Bee Gees):
Isuk utuk2

Saturday night fever (Bee Gees):
Meriang ning nekat ngapel

Summertime (jazz) :
Loro Panas

Stayin’ alive (Bee Gees) :
Ora iso mati

Words (Bee Gees) :
Nggedebus

More than words (Extreme) :
Nggedebus pol

Highway star (Deep Purple) :
Jago trek-trek’an

Smoke on the water (Deep Purple) :
Umob (album ‘Nggodog Wedang’)

Soldier of fortune (Deep Purple) :
Prajurit raiso mati

Mama (Genesis) :
Mak’e

Another day in paradise (Phill Collins) :
Suk’mben ing swargo

Againts all odds (Phill Collins):
Ongko Ganep

All night long (Lionel Richie) :
Lek-lek’an(ngebyar)

Still (Lionel Richie) :
Isih (durung entek)

Stuck on you (Lionel Richie) :
Kecanthol

Truly (Lionel Richie) :
Tenan’e

Frozen (Madonna) :
Njendel

Like a virgin (Madonna) :
Ketok’e perawan

Don’t cry for me, Argentina (Madonna) :
Ojo nangis, Sragen

Billy Jean (Michael Jackson) :
Tuku clono Levis

Black & white (Michael Jackson) :
Sebrangan dalan

Killing me softly (Roberta Flack) :
Di-ithik-ithik sak-modar’e

Release me (Engelbert Humperdinck) :
Cul’na aku

My way (Frank Sinatra) :
Sak-karepku

I don’t like to sleep alone (Paul Anka) :
Kelon-ana aku

Fragile (Sting) :
Bentet

Hands clean (Alanis Morissette) :
Bar Wisuh

Believe (Cher) :
Percoyo

I still believe (Brenda K Star) :
Ngengkelan

Shy guy (Diana King) :
Clingus

Wild woman (Michael Learns to Rock) :
Morotuwo

Torn (Natallie Imbruglia) :
Suwek / dedel duel

Don’t speak (No Doubt) :
Meneng’a wae

La copa de la via (Ricky Martin) :
Ayo bal-balan

Something stupid (R William & Nicole Kidman):
nggobloki

Kiss me (Sixpence None The Richer) :
Kismis

Viva forever (Spice Girls) :
Ketagihan wedak Viva

Uptown girl (Westlife) :
Wong wedok nggunung

Don’t stop me now (Queen) :
Ojo Nggandoli

Bohemian rhapsody (Queen) :
Bu Hemi nge’Rap’

We will rock you (Queen) :
Balang2an watu

Always (Bon Jovi) :
Mesti ngono

Bed of roses (Bon Jovi) :
Peti mati

Alone (Heart) :
Ijen (album ‘Kendel tenan’)

Self control (Laura Branigan):
Poso

Warrior (Pat Benatar) :
Sepatu basket

The temple of the king (Rainbow) :
Candi

Sailing (Rod Stewart) :
Iseh Eling (ora edan)

Jump (Van Halen) :
Njondil (album ‘Kaget’)

Almost unreal (Roxette) :
Ora umum

Black magic woman (Santana) :
Mak Lampir

Smooth (Santana) :
Lunyu (album ‘Kepleset’)

Always somewhere (Scorpion) :
Mblayang wae

Still loving you (Scorpion) :
Ra duwe isin

So young (The Corrs) :
Bocah SD

After all (Al Jarreau) :
Entek2an

Forever young (Alphaville) :
Awet enom

Woman in love (Barbra Streisand) :
Suminten edan

Mandy (Barry Manilow) :
Adus

Suddenly (Billy Ocean) :
Mak-jegagik / uJUG uJUG

If (Bread) :
Yen

My heart will go on (Celine Dion) :
Loro hepatitis

The prayer (Andrea Bocelli & Celine Dion) :
Mbah Modin

I’ve never been to me (Charlene) :
Ora pernah kenal Tomi

Hard to say I’m sorry (Chicago) :
Kisinan

Zombie (Cranberries) :
Gendruwo

Boulevard (Dan Byrd) :
Dalan gede

Lady Valentine (David Gates) :
Putri Solo

Emotion (Destiny’s Child) :
Muntab

If we hold on together (Diana Ross) :
Yen Gegandengan tangan

It’s you (Dionne W & Stevie W) :
Jebul sliramu

Hotel California (Eagles) :
Losmen Kali Pepe

Big big world (Emilia) :
Donya’ne gedhe banget

In your eyes (George Benson) :
Blobok

Careless whisper (George Michael) :
Seneng rasan2

All I am (Heatwave) :
Serakah

I don’t have the heart (James Ingram) :
Rempela thok

Just once (James Ingram) :
Sepisan wae

Beautiful girl (Jose Mari Chan) :
Cah ayu

To all the girls I loved before (Julio Iglesias) :
Kanggo randha-randhaku

Dust in the wind (Kansas) :
Lesus nggawa bledug

Pretty boy (M2M) :
Banci

Smile again (Manhatan Transfer) :
Ayo ngguyu (Waljinah)

Paint my love (Michael Learns to Rock) :
Nge-cet omahe pacar

I’ll be here waiting for you (Richard Marx) :
Dak-cegat nyang kene

Become 1 (Spice Girls) :
Ilang siji

Babe (Styx) :
Maratuwa (Betawi)

Mermaid (Tatsuro Yamashita) :
Iwak ayu

Lea (Toto) :
Liyo (ora podo)

Just the way you are (Billy Joel) :
Sak-karepmu

Smoke gets in your eyes (jazz) :
Kakehan ngrokok

Long train running (Doobie W) :
Kepancal Sepur

All blues (George Benson) :
Kelunturan (biru kabeh)

O Danny boy (tradisional Irlandia) :
Jebul’e anake Dani!

Blueberry hill (Louis Armstrong):
Gunung Pare

Another clown (Leon) :
wong DPR